I can't believe that I just posted yesterday that I was on the right track with my kids after putting all of this great parenting information to work for me. Well, I fell off the wagon this morning. I am guilty!!!!!!!!!!!!!! All it takes is a little outside stress. But, we are all human right? I will start fresh when the kids get home from school and try to get the peace and harmony back. I fell off one other time over the summer too but getting back on board and realizing that what you did or said was wrong is a step in the right direction. So,when you fall off you just have to climb back on!!!
I attached a special e-report below that I received and I plan on sharing all 7 parts with you. Today we'll start with #1. I'm hoping some of you get to follow the 7 part series - you'll discover the secrets to creating a happier and more fulfilling relationship with your child - no matter how unruly he or she is.
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"The 7 Effective Alternatives to Punishment.
Alternative to Punishment #1: Prevention
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As the old saying goes; "An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure."
That's why "child-proofing your life" is as important as "baby-proofing your space".
As a parent, I'm sure you've had moments when
you "foresaw" a disaster that was about to occur.
And if we take a moment to think about it,
we can usually foresee other recipes for disasters.
Taking proactive steps to "prevent" these unnecessary stresses in your life,
and the life of your child, will make a big difference in reducing the upsets in your family.
There are simple ways to use "Prevention"
If you know your child is going to get into the cookies,
put them where he can't reach or find them.
If giving your child a sweet dessert at night makes her stay up too late,
then change your desserts habits.
If you don't want your child getting onto your computer,
then don't make your computer so accessible for them;
shut the door to your home office, or put the computer out of sight.
Planning ahead will save you SO MUCH time and energy.
You'll avoid cleaning up unnecessary messes.
And you'll avoid unnecessary upsets and needless stressing out.
Prevention is the perfect companion to Cultivating Non-Reaction.
Because often times kids simply react to the environment you "set up" for them,
you can "set up" the day to go smoothly, or be a chaotic mess.
If you set up an environment where they spend hours zoning out on TV every day,
then they will react by enacting the behaviors they see on TV and by becoming
more passive in life and less ambitious.
Especially if you have siblings in similar age, you'll want to child proof
your house so that there are duplicates of the same toys.
By having duplicates for multiple children, then there is less room for fighting over things.
They'll be less issues with "sharing", because there will be two toys that are exactly the same.
Even the same colour, so that there is no issue of the color either.
When you make sure each child has the same toy; color, shape, type, everything,
then you'll be preventing a good portion of sibling rivalry.
The best way to avoid arguing with your child about cleaning up is
to prevent the argument all together. How?
Simple, you just don't allow room for arguments.
By making "cleaning up" an inarguable part of your family culture.
Make it an unbendable law. A simple rule that cannot be negotiated.
Not a law or rule that is enforced by punishments or upheld by rewards.
Position "cleaning up" as simply "what happens" during the day.
Tell your child that it's just part of the things that are done in the day,
like; eating, going to the bathroom, sleeping, talking, playing, etc.
So to whatever excuse or argument your child comes up with,
you simply answer: "It's just what we do."
Notice the "we"?
You need to make your child feel connected to you and to the family.
By using inclusive language, like "we" instead of "you", will help
make your child much more cooperative. As they will feel more "a part
of the whole family", and fell less that they've been isolated to do
something they don't want to do.
After you say this, the next step is to simply not allow for any room from
deviation from the task. So you don't let your child do anything he or
she wants to do until they clean their room.
Not in a punitive way to try to teach them "consequences". But you'll
just let them know: "we'll do that after we finish cleaning up sweetie", or
"okay, we'll just wait until we finish cleaning up".
If they just sit there and refuse to do anything - then let them sit there.
Don't threaten them with no dinner or anything,
but they need to know that "cleaning up" is just what everyone does.
By doing this you will be teaching them that they need to help clean up
before they can move on to playing or doing something else they want to do.
By taking this firm stance, and setting a kind limit,
your child will soon learn that arguing with you
or defying you is useless. They'll discover that
cooperating with you is the simplest way
for them to get what they want,
so that's what they'll start doing more.
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Are you following all of this parenting advice
Cathy Poronsky Ristagno? We hope you see your name here and go to our "Behind the Scenes" Facebook Page to tell us that you saw your name to be entered into our weekly giveaway contest. You have until end of day Friday, Cathy, to post. We'll pick a winner on Monday morning out of all of our fans' names we have posted this week. If your name is randomly chosen, and you posted that you saw your name, then you win! If not, there is no winner this week. Good luck!!!
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